Religion: Predestiny


god

Image by the|G|™ via Flickr

I have been asked my opinion on “predestination”.  Here it is.  Please keep in mind that my views are based on my many theological studies over the decades and are not based on whimsy or personal preference.  We all want to believe that we are in existence for a good reason, preferably one that is in our favor.  That is human nature.  Unfortunately, some beliefs interfere with our personal desire; that is, that we are pre-determined to have a great, fun life, and a wonderful demise.  Catholics and some muslims believe — erroneously — that God created each individual for a specific reason.  Some are intentionally created deformed, for example.  Further, some are created as killers.  This is poppy-cock!  Some believe that God created all existence — but NOT man — with a specific intent and a specific end. Wherein man is the only variable in God’s great plan.  Now THIS belief is much mor plausible.

Public Privacy


Privacy Lost

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Public.  Privacy.  These two words DO NOT go together!  Why do people demand privacy in public?  What are they trying to hide?  You are outside around scores of people; just what privacy do you expect?  It is a proven fact that public cameras both reduce crime and aid in solving crimes.  I think they are great as well as necessary in this era.  I am not going to do anything in public I wouldn’t want passers-by to see, let alone a camera.  Get a grip.  Bitch about something that really matters like the butchering of our constitutional rights!

Your Dad should have told you…


Dude, What Would Happen

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Look here boys, some of you need to learn about “Man things”.  Since your Daddies didnt educate you, I will.  So here is Man Things 101.  Allrighty then, class.

1. Never, never, ever, let your woman “make you over”.  Women want to make you look like a fag, or just plain stupid, to keep other women away from you.

2. Don’t get pierced or tattooed because she says you’ll look cute.  The truth is, the woman is getting you “branded” (yup, like cattle) thus forever leaving her mark of ownership on you.  Even when you split up, her mark of ownership will always be there.

3. Don’t call a female “dude”.  A dude is a man.  Goddamnit, a MAN!

4. Bet you never would have guessed this one:  Men are supposed to smell like MEN.  Holy shit, do you think?!  Men DO NOT spray cologne “down there”.

5.  God gave you a pubic bush and hair on your balls because you are MEN.  Leave it there; leave it alone! Enjoy being a man.

6. Men don’t highlight their hair.  Come on, only bitch boys do that!

7. Pick out clothes that YOU like, not what she likes.  Who lives in your body — you or her?  Who gets talked about for looking like a fool?  YOU do, not her.

8. If you like her plucking, picking, tweezing you, you are probably a homosexual.  Do a reality check dude (dudette?)

9. “MEN” pick up the tab and would NEVER let a woman pay.

10.  I saved the best for last.  Men cry BUT NOT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!  Take it to the woods and let it out in private.

Conspiracy conspirators


The First Conspiracy

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Everything today is tainted by the younger generation as having a conspiracy linked to it.  Apollo and the moon walk, JFK, 9-11, Iraq, Pudgie’s Pizza recipes, etc.  I am an amateur scientist, and I mainly study particle (quantum) physics.

Not bragging but this matters here; my I.Q. was 142 back in the 1980’s.  Now granted I have aged just a couple of years since then, which may have lowered my I.Q. a little, but I freakin know I’m smarter than some of these weirdos with whackey minds!  Anybody who properly completed high school knows that you CAN make an impression (i.e, foot print in moon dust) in a vacuum.  Yet the conspirators say it’s impossible.

Does a flag wave in a vacuum (i.e. space)?  If you are handling it, as in planting it, yes. It has a transfer of energy from you into it and the in-motion energy continues from your arm into the flag staff and into the flag.  Enough about the moon.  I could go on with the other “theories”  but I liken it to arguing with a child.

What causes these “youngers” to come up with all this crap?  Most of them should not have graduated high school, let alone go to college.  Did you ever notice their atrocious spelling?  Or how about not knowing such minor vocabulary like, “superfluous”.

I was responsible for hiring cooks and chefs (yes, there is a BIG difference).  I would review an application that stated completion of culinary school.  I would call the school and verify   everything.So I hire the dude and lo and behold!  Make me a bechamel with thyme, please.”  “What?”, he says.  I repeat to which he asks whats that?  was there a conspiracy by the school to piss me off?

Today’s word for idiots:


A salami sandwich

say: SAND WICH !

Okay, today my biggest bitch is professional people who don’t know how to talk.  Listen to daddy Dave and I will teach you how to talk.  Our first word (are you looking, TV producers and actors?) is SANDWICH.  This is especially for you, Jimmy Dean.  It is NOT sam-mitch!  You other pretentious morons this is for you:   it is NOT sam-widge!  Let’s all take a deep breath now and follow me:  “sand”, and now, “which”!

Now all together: “sand“.  Good!  Now let’s say “wich“.  Excellent!  Now let’s put it all together.  Ready?  Here we go SANDWICH.  That is what we eat.  Now if I hear you say it wrong again I’m going to slap the piss out of you.

Here is another talking thing that grinds my gears.  People (especially women and gays) that hang their sentences like everything is a question. Example: “Having my own blog is cool.”  How do they say it?  What’s the difference?  “cool” suddenly goes up an octave and hangs like a question mark.

eye-eeee.  WTF?  “i.e” is an abbreviation, in latin, meaning “that is”  It is two syllables.  “That is” is also two syllables.  So why not say “that is” instead of saying “i.e.”?  It uses the same vocal energy and time.  Hearing most people speak “i.e.” sounds like a pig squealing.

Ever notice people who barely open their mouths when they talk?  What about people who mumble?  Another good one is people who use the wrong words; or worse yet, mispronounce everything.  What the hell goes on in schools these days?  Are the students not listening or are the teachers not teaching?  How do these people even get through college?  It must be part of a conspiricy; That’s it!

Boycott Zynga games


Remember NOT to play ANY Zynga games Dec 22 thru Jan 2 because they REFUSE to say Christmas!

“Holiday” Tree?


Okay Farmville.  You can kiss my ass with your “Holiday” Tree!  Dare to tell me just WHAT holiday it is for?  Is it for hanukkah?  Maybe it’s for Kwansa.  Or, how about a satanic cult celebration?  Is there an Islamic holiday that uses a pine tree?  I know you don’t mean CHRISTMAS tree!!  You wouldn’t want to offend anyone, would you?  YOU OFFEND ME YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!

Whitey Thugs


Okay.  Hardcore comment here.  These white boy (I’m white) wanna-be thugs make me wanna puke every time I see one.  I don’t know which makes me wanna hurl more:  looking at them or listening to them.  Get a grip dudes!  I kinda feel sorry for you cuz I know you have an identity crisis.  You don’t know who or what you want to be so you just go with the flow and follow all the other losers.

Did you know that you belong to a different culture than the one you are trying to squeeze in to?  Square pegs don’t fit into round holes.  And by the way, this opinion has absolutely nothing to do with African-Americans, aside from the fact that you make them sick too.   You look so stupid — no,retarded– with your hats and bandanas, and freaky finger signs.  I have two universal finger signs: one is all fingers suggesting “hello”, the other is one finger, suggesting “up yours, freak”.

The last thug I got near enough to give me the evil look and puffed his chest out at me.  I said “It’s on, dude”  he quickly said “We cool bra”.  Bra?  Good grief!

Bastard? Me?


I haven’t figured out yet why some people I comment about call me a bastard. I mean, I had a dad that was married to my mom. It’s just like when I leave a room some people think I’m God because as I exit I often hear someone say: thank God!”

Drunks


I can’t stand a freakin drunk. I have a beer with pizza and that’s it. Can we legalize drunk beatings? I mean, they’re not going to feel it (until tomorrow) but for now we can shut their friggin loud, stinky mouths. Any suggestions?

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