Your Dad should have told you…

Dude, What Would Happen

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Look here boys, some of you need to learn about “Man things”.  Since your Daddies didnt educate you, I will.  So here is Man Things 101.  Allrighty then, class.

1. Never, never, ever, let your woman “make you over”.  Women want to make you look like a fag, or just plain stupid, to keep other women away from you.

2. Don’t get pierced or tattooed because she says you’ll look cute.  The truth is, the woman is getting you “branded” (yup, like cattle) thus forever leaving her mark of ownership on you.  Even when you split up, her mark of ownership will always be there.

3. Don’t call a female “dude”.  A dude is a man.  Goddamnit, a MAN!

4. Bet you never would have guessed this one:  Men are supposed to smell like MEN.  Holy shit, do you think?!  Men DO NOT spray cologne “down there”.

5.  God gave you a pubic bush and hair on your balls because you are MEN.  Leave it there; leave it alone! Enjoy being a man.

6. Men don’t highlight their hair.  Come on, only bitch boys do that!

7. Pick out clothes that YOU like, not what she likes.  Who lives in your body — you or her?  Who gets talked about for looking like a fool?  YOU do, not her.

8. If you like her plucking, picking, tweezing you, you are probably a homosexual.  Do a reality check dude (dudette?)

9. “MEN” pick up the tab and would NEVER let a woman pay.

10.  I saved the best for last.  Men cry BUT NOT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!  Take it to the woods and let it out in private.


About Davie Says

I am a professional Chef/culinary consultant and volunteer firefighter. I have an opinion on everything! I say what I think and have no reservations about it.

Posted on January 11, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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